Butterfly + Bee = Me!

Grab a Java. Find a seat. &, sip on some of this pipin’ HOT tea!

Friends! It has been quite awhile since I have graced your presence with yet another post. I often find myself beginning a post and failing to finish. I was beginning to think that I was losing my touch and could provide you with nothing worthy of a read. So much has happened; and, I struggle to put the pen to the paper (or the fingers to the keys in this instance). However, tonight, I just knew I could not wait any longer for what I wanted to share.

Tonight was the night.

The night I felt a sharp sense of disappointment, guilt, and shame. Not because of anything that I particularly did in the moment nor what was done to me. I felt these emotions because I have realized how much time I have lost and memories unsaved due to my own insecurity.

Since having my son, I have found myself extremely insecure of my body...yes, the body that carried life into this world. In this time, I have found myself being extremely judgmental towards my own outer appearance. Because of this insecurity, I have missed out on many aspects of life: spending time outside of the house with friends, dressing up for memorable occasions, rarely snapping a photo to commemorate accomplishments or moments spent with loved ones.

As I searched through hundreds of photos on my phone, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I began wondering “why?” Why was I so hard on myself? Why did I care what others thought about my body? Why did I not want to live “my best life”? Why have I been afraid to just wear that outfit? Why was I ashamed of my body in the first place?

These and many negative questions began floating around in my brain. I found myself tempted to provide reasoning to each of these questions until I had enough. Enough of myself being in the way of my true happiness. Enough of not enjoying life due to my own insecurities. Enough of not being my authentic, outgoing self.

I write this to say: WE OUTSIDE….well, somewhat! WEAR THAT OUTFIT! TAKE THOSE PHOTOS...AND, POST THEM (if you so please)! GET OUT & ENJOY TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS!

It has been fairly easy to be in a cocoon, protecting yourself from the outside world. Believe me, I have done it (and, am possibly still doing it). However, growth is stifled when a person relies only on comfortable environments. It is truly hard to blossom, when you are the main one in in your own way. We have to allow ourselves to be happy and enjoy all that life has to offer. We have to allow our light to shine.

You will never know what you are capable of if you stop trying.

While I may have several setbacks in this department, I find it necessary to make a public declaration to initiate healing and growth in this area. So, if you desire, JOIN ME! Join me in loving and celebrating the body that God blessed us with. The body that has cared for you, even when you didn’t provide it with the mutual respect that it deserved. Sis, I invite you to love yourself like you will love the next. Failing to love yourself makes it quite impossible to truly love others.

Wishing you the best in this new journey. Pray for me, as I will for you!

With Love,

Jalesha

IG: @javaandteawithjtd

javaandteawithjtd@gmail.com