Does the Cycle of Heartbreak Ever End?

Grab a Java. Find a seat. &, sip on some of this pipin’ HOT tea!

I’m gonna take y’all on a journey back in time.

Brace yourselves! I don’t need anyone spilling their drink over this.

It’s 2005 and there’s an 11-year old girl in the 6th grade. She’s going about her morning routine as normal; however, today is a day different than any other. She’s going to find out a family secret that will change her life forever. A secret that came from the wrong people, but at the right time. Her heart breaks, but life goes on!

Not long after, another family secret was revealed. She thinks, “God, this can’t be happening again!” But, why wouldn’t it? An additional heartbreak, but life goes on!

A few weeks shy from 13, she feels that she can peak her curiosity and numb the pain that her heart is feeling. What better way to numb it? Well, falling subject to the family’s generational curse was definitely not the way...but, she did it anyhow. For the next decade, she would learn to suppress almost any emotional connections with the people in her life, especially men. Hurt people hurt people. A broken heart remains unfixed.

On her 18th birthday, speculation poured into her heart from the very one that continued to break it. She tries to bury this deep, but it ate at her very core. Leaving nothing but silenced heartbreak and resentment, but life goes on!

She works to try to gain the attention and approval of everyone around her, but is heartbroken to find out that she can never do enough to seek the attention of the one that she wishes she could. She acts out on numerous occasions throughout her collegiate career hoping that this could gain some traction. All that was gained was years of no communication and further heartbreak.

Even amidst all of the pain, there were potential prospects seeking to love her through it all. Unfortunately, she could only spew out poison from her heart of steel. Nothing could come in nor out.

She embraced the lack of accountability. She felt that she could do anything without an ounce of guilt. She wore her self-centered ego with plenty of sass. She could only reciprocate what had been given--heartbreak.

Unfortunately, she was turning into the very one that she resented for all of those years. To make matters worse, she was a magnet for clones that would do nothing less than produce heartbreak.

In trying to run from the pain, she was becoming like the one who administered it. She lost her way. Her dignity. Her self-respect. Many friends. Sight of her God-given talents. Her valued relationship with God. Even worse, she lost her relationship with him.

Him. The one who was put on this Earth to model God’s unconditional love. The one who was supposed to protect the innocent heart that he helped create. The one who was supposed to patch up the wounds, while causing misery upon those who administered them.

While she blamed him for the years of misery and the inability to recover from them. She was to blame as well. She worked towards forgiveness, but allowed each new obstacle affect her in ways that reverted the progress so far. She failed to wholeheartedly forgive him, and never sought God in prayer on his behalf. She allowed her own pain to deny you, rather than assist you in seeking help.

She has been given chance after chance to make it right. However, she wonders….what about his chances?

Must she sit and perform all of the effort while he skates by without having to clean up his own messes. Should all of the pressure of repairing a relationship be put onto her shoulder.

Why is it that those who are hurt must fix what is broken, rather than those who administered it be held accountable?

This is a question that she battles each day.

She finds herself playing a never ending game of basketball. She’s either on offense or defense, but neither team has called a time-out. The quarters continue to change, and they’re now in overtime. But, when will they learn that neither team wins when they’re both hurt people continuing to hurt others?

The journey to recovery is not an easy one. Both parties have to want to change for the better. They can no longer hide behind the facades. It’s time to break the ice. Go beyond the tip of the iceberg. Without doing so, the never-ending cycle continues.

Java Junkies,

Forgiveness doesn’t just happen overnight. Some of you reading may be in a lot of pain and feel that the pressure has been put on you to make it right. Unfortunately, it has! Restoration sucks! The process can be brutal...and long! But, I believe that the process is necessary and will one day provide me with a reward of being set free!

You see, I’m still in the process. I can find myself feeling as if I have accomplished forgiveness, and then something else will happen pushing me a few steps back. It happens! But, pain is only temporary. We all have to get back up and try again! Try to make it right. But, this time...don’t do it on your own! Hold yourself accountable. Check yourself on the regular. And, ask your friends to do the same. Most importantly, ask God to check you! Ask him to continue working on you and your heart. Ask him to remove it and not allow it to sneak back into your heart anymore. And, forgive! Forgive when it hurts you to do so. Forgive when you no longer feel like it. Forgive, even when it feels like you’re doing so repeatedly like clockwork. Eventually, you will see the fruits of your labor and be able to live freely! Free from resentment. Free from guilt. Free from the weight that you have continued to carry into each season of your life.

To be honest, I’m not there yet. I am working on how to not repeat this cycle with my own loved ones. I work each day to fight my own demons in this battle without trying to pass this curse down to my offspring. I continue to fight because I love myself enough to do so. I hope to become victorious for my own freedom and for my son’s, his son’s, his son’s son’s freedom...and on down the line. One day, I will be able to give you a story on how my heart was completely healed...and how I made it over! But, for now, I guess you’ll just have to witness the struggle from the sidelines.

With Love,

Jalesha

IG: @javaandteawithjtd

javaandteawithjtd@gmail.com