Friendship Test: Adding a Baby in the Mix

I believe that my friends are the family that I had a say-so in choosing.

It wasn’t until I was in college that I discovered the difference between seasonal, temporary, and permanent friends. Temporary friends are just that...temporary! They are placed into your life for just a moment in time, and that’s it! Seasonal: friendships that feel as if they could be permanent, but then a new season in life will show that they are unable to continue on life’s journey with you.

But, Permanent friends...those are your ROCKS! These are my ride-or-dies, and sometimes my “you bet not” friends. These are the authentic friendships that are very familial. The friends that you connect with on a deeper level. The friends that you can go days, weeks, and months without speaking; but, THEY WILL BE THERE! These are your siblings connected at the heart. These are my friends that will cheer me on when things are well, but also uplift and encourage me when I’m wrong...after they have told me about myself.

These are the friendships that I can pinpoint the exact moment in which I knew they would be present for a lifetime. Lastly, they were my friends that stayed around when a baby was added into the mix.

As a new mom, friendships are tested. Especially if you are the only one with a kid. The stereotypes and added pressures begin the minute you announce your new addition. Many of the invites stop coming. Few folx become flakey. And, friend problems begin to increase without any control or say of your own. Some friends don’t want to hang out if the little one is present. Few grow bored with the lack of spontaneity in the friendship.

Don’t get me wrong, I thrived off of spontaneity prior to DD; but, it became hard to have to coordinate every single outing. Let’s not forget having to pay someone to watch DD and ensure that the person was capable of keeping him occupied, safe, etc, especially since my family was 4 hours away! While I love my friends, I had to realize that the love for my son ran deep. This love was incomparable; AND, any friend that could not see this, was not a true friend of mine.

While I lost quite a bit of friends unexpectedly during my transitional period into motherhood, my true friends shined brighter than I could have ever imagined! These folx could spot the exhaustion on my face, and step in to help for a moment….just so I could have a second to breathe. They have loved my son as if he was their own. They have been amazing aunts and uncles to DD, and have even had to discipline him a few times! I could not have asked for a better group of ROCKS in my life.

What’s even better is that losing a few friends allowed me an opportunity to gain a few more supportive friends in my circle. Ones that were not afraid to step up and assist me when needed, as well as help me regain my identity as Jalesha, not just DD’s “money”. While this did not make losing friends hurt any less, it did provide me with much needed insight and allowed me to pay it forward to others.

Although the chaos of motherhood can impact my friendships with others, I am thankful that my true friends remain loyal and true to me. They understand (sometimes empathize), acknowledge that I try when I have the time, and assist in up-keeping the relationship. Most importantly, they love me through each obstacle and transition, while helping me to find myself again in this “new” season of life.

If you are a new parent and find yourself needing to connect with other new parents, remember that you have a friend in me! Parenthood is tough, and it takes a WHOLE village to raise our kids and keep us sane!

YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE!

With Love,

Jalesha

IG: @javaandteawithjtd

javaandteawithjtd@gmail.com