I Don’t Want to be “Super-Mom” Anymore!

As a new mother, I have always wanted everything to be “perfect” for my son. I needed him to always have more than he could want or imagine. I needed everything to be just right. By doing this, I felt that I was accomplishing what I should. I felt it necessary to spend almost every second of the day that I could with him, often forgetting that there is a thing such as self-care and “ME Time!” To upkeep this was definitely a full-time job! Every second of every day seemed to be invested in someone or something else. If it wasn’t for the baby, it was for work. If it wasn’t for work, it was for the baby. Let’s not forget that I had other responsibilities as well.

I had a very convoluted mindset during my pregnancy and early parts of motherhood. Every ounce of Type A in me needed to make sure that I was “perfect” for my son. Often, this left me completely forgetting about myself, my needs, and even some wants. I just knew that he had to “have it all”, and that providing that would make me the best “Super-Mom” ever. In being a “Super-Mom”, I set up unrealistic expectations for myself that were beyond impossible to upkeep all the time. I couldn’t be my son’s “everything”, especially if I couldn’t give myself the bare minimum when it came to my own needs! I can remember going DAYS without having more than 3-4 hours of sleep because I couldn’t go to bed with a dirty house. I had to make sure that EVERYTHING looked “perfect”....to be honest, it was never perfect. I felt the need to do his laundry daily, clean our house daily, try to be the keeper of the house and of the baby. It wore me completely out! On top of all of this, I was dealing with Postpartum Depression.

Darius turned 2 at the beginning of this pandemic. It was very emotional for me because my baby was no longer a baby anymore. He was a walkin’, talkin’, independent somebody. Yet, still, I was stressed out and TIIIIEEEDDD! I couldn't be his full-time play partner 14 hours of the day, work full-time, care for our house and family, not have time for myself, and be okay!

So, I decided, I don’t want to be a Super-Mom anymore. I quit with the unrealistic expectations and convoluted realities that I had created for myself.

I decided that I could go a few days without cleaning my house (or clean parts of it over a course of the week rather than cleaning everything every single day).

I found peace in throwing on his favorite movie and cuddling up in our favorite blanket so that I can get a quick power-nap.

I found joy in driving around the city just so I could put him to sleep for a few moments of silence.

I discovered that I didn’t have to buy brand name everything -- especially because he would rather rock the character shoes that light up or anything with Spider-Man or his favorite interest on it.

I enjoyed sneaking in a devotional, while he munched on breakfast or a snack.

I loved calling his Me-Me, Gi-Gi, and Bus-Bus on FaceTime just so they could occupy him for a few minutes while I tended to some of my own personal needs.

I appreciated the long, HOT showers that I could indulge in while he slept. Add a candle and some tunes & I was in heaven!

I focused on the things that would make me a better mom, i.e. getting rest, stressing less, and just focusing on being a better me so that I can be a better mom.

To some folx, this may seem like neglect; however, I beg to differ. As long as my son is well fed, clothed, has all of his needs met (and some wants as well), and is showered in plenty of love and attention, HE IS GOOD! It just took me some time to discover that there are ways to find self-care in my mommy moments.

Mamas, we have to find self-care within each day. No matter how small, it is necessary. Be creative in how you find this. It looks different for us all.

Fun Fact: our babies will still love us, even when we aren’t SUPER! Being the best version of ourselves is what makes us SUPER!

While I renounced my Super-Mom title in March, I soon realized that by trying to find a few moments in the day where I could regain my own strength, I was doing what it took to be SUPER.

Super-Moms are:

Moms who know when to recharge themselves.

Moms who can acknowledge when they are past the point of exhaustion.

Moms who know when to ask for help.

Moms who don’t suffer in silence.

Moms who strive to meet their own needs as well.

Moms who simply do the best they can with what they got!

Remember: We’re all in this together!

From one mama to the next, take some time for YOU! When setting your resolutions for the new year, aim to make at least one of those about finding ways to care for yourself.

With Love,

Jalesha

IG: @javaandteawithjtd

javaandteawithjtd@gmail.com